Saturday, 8 January 2022

queer_scribbling: A white snowflake against a background of aqua and teal geode-like swirls. (fandom snowflake challenge)

Day #4: In your own space, make a list of things that you wish existed in fandom or elsewhere, and/or that you'd like someone to create or do for you.

It's incredibly unrealistic, but I wish there was some sort of external object that I could hand off to someone else, and while I didn't physically have it, I could just magically pause all plot bunnies. I know I mentioned in view-locked posts that seasonal mental unwellness happened as we transitioned from autumn to winter, and I was slowly rolling downhill surrounded by ideas.

It's not, you know, fun. It wasn't even like my prior experiences with what seems to me to be hypomania where I went up and felt great during the time it happened. (I sort of tried to see someone about a professional bipolar diagnosis, but I was one day shy of officially meeting their criteria for a hypomanic episode. Hence wibbly-wobbly imposter feelings about mentioning bipolar at all.)

I know various creators talk about ideas that multiply behind their backs and being overrun with plot bunnies. I know some people have talked about parts of writing being more of a chore - or work, in a sense - than fun for them. I know some writers have sort of talked about feeling like characters were using them to get into the world or whatever.

But feeling like my brain is holding me hostage because I have a new idea right now and I need to write something down - even if I feel like shit or I'm not done writing down the last new idea - takes away some of the fun hobby quality of fanfic writing. I wish I could pause new plot bunnies, especially around seasonal changes, because I'd rather have a small amount of fun out of this hobby.

Original Pillowfort post can be found here.

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